the humans
The Humans by Matt Haig is a book that I first read about 10 years ago. I was a deeply troubled teenager and it really resonated with me. I’ve been meaning to reread it for a while now just to see if I would still enjoy it after such a long time. Turns out, I do! Not as much as I did back then, but I see why it was my favourite book. In a way, I’m a lot like the protagonist. I’ve always felt like an outsider who has been put here without my consent. As a teenager, I never felt like I belonged anywhere so I pretended that I didn’t have the desire to fit in and connect with others. As an adult, I’ve realised that it’s okay to want that and I’m now putting in the effort to learn how to communicate and be around others.
My previous rating for this book was 5/5 but I can only give it 4 stars this time. It’s what I needed back then but I think it reads too much like a self-help book now. I do still really appreciate the chapter, ‘Advice for a human’ where the protagonist lists 97 things he thinks would help us humans. Teenage me highlighted the ones I thought were the most valuable:
’2. Don’t worry about your abilities. You have the ability to love. That is enough.’
I think I highlighted this one because I was always very concerned about my grades. I used to consistently get straight As until depression got a hold of me. It was downhill from there and the pressure to keep up drowned me. I will never forgive the people who taught me to value my worth based on percentages.
’9. Sometimes, to be yourself you will have to forget yourself and become something else.’
Foreshadowing. I have not done any self reinvention by then but I clearly had the desire to. I have good news for you, teenage Max. You get lost in all the possibilities but you find your way. The book was right. I recognize you in the mirror now. I don’t cover them anymore.
’13. You shouldn’t have been born. Your existence is as close to impossible as can be. To dismiss the impossible is to dismiss yourself.’’
I don’t really have much to say about this one. It’s a nice sentiment but I don’t feel particularly inspired by it. I’m curious to know why I did back then.
’31. Failure is a trick of the light.’
I love this. I don’t remember what it’s referencing but I love it anyway. I fear failure so much that I often just choose not to try at all. I’m actively working on this flaw and I’m happy to report that I’m improving! I submit this blog as evidence.
’40. Everyone is a comedy. If people are laughing at you they just don’t quite understand the joke that is themselves.’
Okay, I guess? People who make fun of others are silly. No big deal. Just a fact of life. I don’t think this deserved to be highlighted.
’65. Don’t think you know. Know you think’
Why is it speaking in riddles and why did I highlight it? Strange.
’66. Make sure, as often as possible, you are doing something you’d be happy to die doing.’
This is great advice and I actually had this idea unprompted recently while out on the lake. I don’t wish to die any time soon but I think it would be a suitable place for me to die on water.
’69. Ari believed we are all a simulation. Matter is an illusion. Everything is silicon. He could be right. But your emotions? They’re solid.’
I’m prone to dissociating from reality when I’m particularly depressed and/or dysphoric. It’s terribly distressing so I try to remind myself that even if I and the world don’t feel real, the way my emotions make me feel is. Maybe that particular coping mechanism was partly inspired by the advice here?
’73. No one will understand you. It is not, ultimately, that important. What is important is that you understand you.’
More than 10 years later and I’m still trying to fully absorb this message. Hopefully, 10 years from now I’ve made more progress on this.
’82. If you think something is ugly, look harder. Ugliness is just a failure of seeing.’
There is beauty to be found in everything. I agreed with this then and I still do. I wish I was better at capturing it though. Both by way of photos and words.
’88. Don’t kill yourself. Even when the darkness is total. Always know that life is not still. Time is space. You are moving through that galaxy. Wait for the stars.’
I did and it was worth it.
’93. School is a joke. But go along with it, because you are very near to the punchline.’
I’m still waiting for it…
I will now make this a personal tradition by also leaving my future self some advice to reflect on. These are the ones that resonated with me the most this time but I will not elaborate why since I didn’t last time either. See you in 2036?
1. Shame is a shackle. Free yourself.
17. Wear clothes, by all means, but remember they are clothes.
30. Don’t aim for perfection. Evolution, and life, only happen through mistakes.
41. Your brain is open. Never let it be closed.
44. You have the power to stop time.
77. When you watch the news and see members of your species in turmoil, do not think there is nothing you can do. But know it is not done by watching the news.
88. Wait for the stars.
94. Maybe you are a road, not a destination. That is fine. Be a road. But make sure it’s one with something to look at out of the window.
97. I love you. Remember that.
-- M. --